Take It On The Run, Baby

Mobile Porn From The People @ Pink Visual

"Do you wonder what it's like/Living in
a permanent imagination?"--Orgy

"If you want to view paradise/Simply look around
and view it/Anything you want to, do it/
Wanna change the world?/There's nothing to it."--Willy Wonka


He hates his job. His wife hates him about as much as she hates having sex. He can't catch a break and the girl on the subway returns his passive-aggressive gazes with a look of sheer terror and repulsion. And this afternoon his boss calls him into his office to gently break the news that he no longer has a job as a data entry cleric.

He wants to fight the dismissal, but he knows if he presses the man for reasons it will inevitably have something to do with the cache of porn on the company hard drive or the traces of semen on the hand towel in the co-ed restroom.

He doesn't have time or freedom to wank one off before leaving the house in the morning and the girl on the MTA line already stands with her back pressed against the door to the subway car they almost always end up sharing. He's on his way home, no idea what he's gonna say to his wife who already wants to leave him, and he's losing it. But not over the loss of a job. It's because he never got to finish himself off at work. His hands are trembling, aching with eagerness to aid him, but he won't let them. It's not decent. Look what it cost him already!

Pink Visual has solved this dude's problem and their solution will have the rest of us covered too. Even if it means we'll invariably be getting off at the wrong stop as a result of being fiercely transfixed on our iPhones. Mobile Porn is the name and it applies to a series of online adult-oriented applications that can be purchased, accessed, and downloaded directly to your phone.

Their offerings are the tits! And better still they're tits express, tits to go, tits that don't ask questions. Cheaper than a hooker, more reliable than your girlfriend, and faster than your jogging buddy with emphysema. It's also better than a pocket pussy or portable vag, because this thing has a pretty face, several to choose from in fact! And it never has to be cleaned, unless you intentionally or unintentionally squirt on the screen of your PSP, Android or other compatible phone device.

The applications are as follows:

www.ipinkvisualpass.com

www.ipornopass.com

www.itouchher.com

www.cutestgirls.com

www.imalespectrumpass.com

There's a cornucopia of cock and clit, tits and shit here, for everybody's inner-pervert. The last site on that list is for homosexuals, the first two are for pretty much anyone, cutestgirls is for hardcore young'n lovers and itouchher.com is...our little secret.

Each of them offers a wide variety of films and galleries for your phone or home computer. The pics on ipinkvisualpass.com come in strips that can't be magnified. Consider it a kink that hasn't been worked out yet. These Pink Visual applications are a relatively new innovation that was first implemented in late-2007 with the flagship site mentioned above. By 2008 they had worked out the bugs and set up secondary sites with as many as 5,000 DVD's available for your phone on each site.

On ipornopass, there's just as much colorful verbiage as there are diverse and delicious hardcore fuck flicks. Big-budget sequels to classics like Throat Yogurt bear dialogue samples like, "Coat my throat please!" And the retort, "You're gonna swallow my yogurt, bitch!" And, of course, In Your Butt I'm Gonna Nutt, with the tagline "Anal cream pies for all! What a treat!" The real treat here is a close-up image of Kat Riley's beautiful, glistening asshole, a rabbit hole I wouldn't mind tumbling down.

Of course it's not all that brusque. Amidst the barrage of cleverly titled, fancy HD filth there are some things as austere as "Big Giant Titties." No games. No bullshit. Just big giant titties. Like a carnival with a meth house nearby, Pink Visual has it all. Gangbangs, MILFs, lesbians, spit-swapping, blowjob races, bang boats, 3-dimensional fuck fests, orgies, squirting, and everything else that would make de Sade implode.

TrannySeducers.com is one stand-out, for reasons I'll get to in a second, with a slick design and wholly attractive she-males like succulent black mangina Natasha Koxx, saucy transvesti Marina Fuentes and other notables like Bruna Tavares and Amanda Vaz.

SheGotPimped is another adventurous two-page application of video featuring big-lipped bimbos like Aleera Flair, Melrose Foxx and Sandra London getting dogged out in proper hoodrat fashion.

AsianParade sounded good, but most of the girls on here look more haggard and manly than the ladyboys of TrannySeducers. Guess it's time I switch my fascination from the Orient to Rio de Janeiro.

The thing that makes this so cool is the level of convenience, the sense that you can take something you love wherever you go. Hopefully you don't love Porn so much that it will become a trend like texting, where everyone everywhere is constantly looking at porn at every stop light, but the paradigm is groundbreaking to say the least.

Safari is said to be the best platform to access it from, in terms of usability and user-base. The videos stream within the media player which is tethered to the browser, meaning that users get a true desktop experience on their mobile hook-up.

Personally, I don't know if I would ever travel around streaming sex clips, or a full movie for that matter, as I have a shitty Boost phone and the thought of money shots blurring in and out upsets me. But then I never thought I'd fill a girl's mouth to bursting point with my urine or get caught red-handed by a boss who could clearly see that I was studying a close-up of Olivia O' Lovely getting DP instead of a company spreadsheet. Never say never.

The market is ripe for this sort of expedient product. Here in New York, there are so many under-sexed people on the go that I'm shocked that Bloomberg never thought to designate bus stop-like glass booths strictly for courteous and hygienic personal manipulation.

Now there's a bona fide invention for the people at Pink Visual: sterilized single-standing booths with tinted windows wherein metropolitan citizens can pay a fare plus luxury tax to be cordoned off from the rest of the city's inhabitants and plug their iPhones into a holographic monitor that plays four-minute clips of virtual sex on loop, with a nifty self-replenishing dispenser that spits out a Handi-Wipe at the end of each play. No mess. No potential for Hep or anything else spreading. Just a congested cadre of busy citizens re-emerging from their matutinal glimpse of digital splendor and marching on in the sea of their fellow busy worker ants with elated smiles on their faces.

Loosen that tie a notch and welcome another fine day of being proactive and pink in the face. A grand invention for the productive and libidinous human animal. That is the future of mobile pornography, itself the future of porn in general. A spry step in the right direction for men and women with mojo to release and places to be.

Strap-hangers are already catching on. You've even witnessed it without it registering—that 22-year old NYU student and his crunchy friend staring at something and giggling, that dude with the vibrating hands and shifty eyes whose headphones make no noise despite the obvious presence of potent stimuli. There's a reason you thought you could see his heartbeat throbbing on the side of his neck.

So it's settled. Your penis or pussy doesn't have to lead you around any more. Your phone can.