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Tommy Digital's Pussy Cocktails: Feminism, Chivalry and David Bowie


She's a fan of Bowie with degrees in Philosophy and Art...and yet I still manage to drop the ball.

Oh man, she was perfect. Gorgeous in every physical aspect, plus she had degrees in philosophy and art. What kind of music would she play on an especially shitty day to ease her tension? David Bowie, and from her enormous vinyl collection no less (which also includes a healthy taste of metal). We talked at length about how vinyl produces a far richer audio delivery than cd’s, and then she started going on about how crooked the U.S. Treasury system is, how warped the bailout is, and so forth.

This is how our very first conversation went, a random encounter at a local tavern. Then I realized I’d been talking to her for over 45 minutes, while her cousins sat at the table watching us, one of them trying to celebrate her birthday. Indeed, I wanted to talk to this amazing woman all night long, but instead I figured I’d be respectful, cut it short, and let her get back to her cousins.

I gave her my number and didn’t ask for hers, specifically so I wouldn’t put any pressure on her. I didn’t want to violate her privacy by asking for her number, lest I put her in an awkward position. I figured it best to give her my number, and let her decide if she wants to talk to me again.

Now I’m being told that it’s the man’s responsibility to call her. Eveybody I’ve talk to about this- men and women alike- insist it’s the guy’s job to get the girl’s number, and call her up. There’s even this jive-ass prescribed amount of days you’re supposed to wait before you call.

Yes, I’ve heard this before, but honestly thought it was all a thin ploy that the women I was after saw through. I even got a copy of Women: Maxim’s Unauthorized Guide at the turn of the century, a handbook identical to all the others, wherein it lays out all the rules of dating, getting laid, and keeping a girl interested in you.

But I thought it was all a gas. It’s 2008; intelligent, artistic, independent women don’t really go for this player bullshit...do they? Haven’t women fought for liberation from a sexist, male-dominated society that rates them as “the weaker sex?” Isn’t the point of Feminism to break through all these gender-specific roles, and put us all on some kind of equal playing field?

Every few years, you hear about how “feminism killed chivalry,” but the truth is, chivalry in itself is an incredibly outdated, and very sexist concept. It’s a medieval mentality from the era of Knights in Shining Armor, when a man got a woman as HIS after he earned her vagina by killing a bunch of other guys.

In the Age of Chivalry, a woman’s purpose was to get fucked by the knight. When the woman wasn’t getting fucked, she was making dinner, cleaning the house, and having babies. But her primary function was to please her knight.

That was a woman’s worth in the world of Chivalry...and I for one am glad to think it’s a thing of the past.

Now, would I rip some guy’s throat out in the middle of a crowded bar if he was trying to rape, or even grope my date? Absolutely. I fit most of the professed qualities of a chivalrous man in the modern age- I’m courteous, courageous, loyal, generous and even romantic when the time is right- but I am not some macho asshole, waiting to prove to everyone how much of a man I really am. In other words, I wouldn’t get all huffy if some dude tried to tell my date how hot she is, nor would I mind if he offered to buy her a drink.

We’ve been raised to think that our dad’s behavior around women is typically not the way to go; that machismo is gone; that thinking in terms of “that’s a man’s/woman’s job” is sexist; that treating human beings as anything less than 100% your equal is demeaning. The whole notion of women being the weaker sex- the very principle that Chivalry revolves around- is supposed to be a thing of the past.

Which is why I gave this girl my number, and didn’t ask for hers. Yeah, our conversation seemed to be going well, but I didn’t want to start things off by saying, “I’m in control here.” I wanted to know what she wants, so I was willing to put the next step in her hands.

Apparently, I’m a moron for doing so.

These rules of playing the dating game have taken away from the purity of it all, that raw attraction, that connection that blurs everything else out. In order to succeed, you have to come up with witty yet totally original pick-up lines, you can’t act like you want her to be independent but at the same time you have to praise her independence. The man has to do everything to court the woman, while at the same time treating her as an absolute equal.

I’m all for the latter, but I really can’t grasp my mind around the notion of treating a woman as some helpless damsel in distress that needs me to come to her rescue. Nevertheless, I’m being told, “that’s just how the game is played.”

With all this confusion, is it any surprise that guys' minds are so scattered they have problems holding an erection? Is it really all that shocking that by the time a man gets to be a man, so much tension has been built up that he ejaculates the moment he’s in contact with a vagina?

Feminism is a great factor of modern society, one that emboldens women to stand on their own. Unfortunately, there is this residual mentality coming from women as much as men, that says there are certain things in the dating ritual that a man is responsible for doing, while the woman sits there and waits for him to do so.

I can only pray this particular woman isn’t holding me up to such retarded standards. Hopefully this one feels that a woman needs a knight just as much as a man needs a maid.

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