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Tommy Digital's Pussy Cocktails: The Art of Metro Media


Today's porn has mega high production value, talented actors, Shakespearean writing...this is the future of adult entertainment.

Porn has come a long way from the days of John Holmes and Ginger Lynn and Debbie Does Dallas. Today's porn has mega-high production value, talented actors, Shakespearean writing, and most of all, shaved pussy...at least, most of the time. Visionary directors like Erica McLean and Jill Kelly have revolutionized adult film to a genuine artform that's as hot as ever.

This month, the fine folks at Metro Media Entertainment gave us a few samples of beautiful, sexy, creative, artistic sucking and fucking on film. These are polished movies with gorgeous actors; this is the future of adult entertainment.

NOTE: the following is my creative interpretation of these movies. To be sure, for the most part the actors go right into the sex, wasting no time tying to explain why they're making so much randy love. But I'm a professional filmmaker as well as an author, so I have taken the liberty to read between (and far beyond) the lines.

Bustin Out Babes
[Cal Vista Pictures]

I can't really figure out who wrote or directed this one, but Bustin Out Babes is a lot like a modern-day Much Ado About Nothing filled with big tits. Candy Mason plays the character most like Beatrice, a blonde nymphet with big fake boobs who loves to suck cock. She and Marcus London go at it all Victorian-like, but just as she's giving London a majestic blowjob, he takes her fishnet outfit off, and before you know it they're making love. All over the bed they go, from reverse-cowgirl to sideways doggystyle. He finally cums in a loving missionary position whilst Candy kisses Marcus tenderly, and as he busts his nut on her stomach, the third squirt splatters her boobs. It's art of the highest fashion.

Then Joey Ray - the Don Juan of this story - gets to fuck Havana Ginger, which is crazy because she's an exotic goddess and he looks like Michael Madsen...complete with keeping his watch on during coitus. But when Havana climbs on his cock, the tattoo of a knife climbing her spine tells of a soul scorned and prepared for war. Indeed, Havana is secretly getting strategic information from her lover, and as she growls in orgasm, Joey loudly cums all over her astronomically large nipples...and the pattern is a map, leading her to the hidden crystals on the other side of the canyon.

Immediately, we find ourselves with Penny Flame, Emma Red and Joey Ray (according to the synopsis; he looks different here, but that's the ART! He's in disguise!). Both of these vixens have nice, small tits, a refreshing break from silicone. Emma doesn't shut up and keeps looking at the camera, but luckily the impossibly cute Penny keeps Ray's dick and her ass in Emma's mouth as much as possible. They ride and ride him, trying to get him to tell where the Balthorium is hidden. Two girls are too much for this mad scientist, and he blows his load all over Penny's face and Emma's coochie. They give a sinister laugh, exclaiming "look at all these babies! All over our faces and all over my fucking legs!"

Soon we meet Samantha Ryan and Anita Dark, two blond goddesses making out in their underwear. They are naked within minutes, licking and spanking and fingering each other all over an exotic bedroom, with elegant rugs and an amazing window. A dildo is soon introduced, which represents the tragedy of machismo in the face of the modern industrial era.

Then we go into the bedroom of Lacey Duvalle, a drop-dead gorgeous Nubian sexpot. She's greeted by Dick Delaware, a guy with a big forehead who proceeds to ram his dick into her mouth. She moans and squirms as they fuck, and even when he cums on her tits, she's too pristine to let any of that jizz get on her face. She is immaculate, a fitting end to a masterpiece of fuck cinema.

Unbridled: Free From All Restraint
[Cal Vista Pictures]

Again, I can't tell who wrote or directed this, but no matter. Sometimes girls want to have fun without the guys around, and that is the basis of this tale of feminine liberation.

AJ Bailey and Hillary Scott find themselves in their underwear making out, and they quickly get the idea to take the rest of their clothes off. Tenderly, gently, romantically they lick each other down, even into the landmark 69 position, as they both cum in eachother's face. They then play with dildos and spank the other's ass, a powerful statement on globalization and the destruction that NAFTA has done to the hope of egalitarianism.

From there we go to Cody and Mikayla, making out on a futon. These two represent the dichotomy of a soldier: a fighter and a liberator, a humanitarian and a killer. There is a constant battle between who licks whose pussy, but thankfully, they end up coming to a consensus, and licking each other out. When Cody cums it's Heaven; when Mikayla cums, it's luscious brimstone. Fucking each other with vibrators  underscores how the weapons of war dilute human interaction.

Jenna Presley and Riley Shy haven't seen each other "since we graduated college," and their reunion over bowls of minestrone quickly leads into them licking each others' boobs. This illustrates the disconnection people feel when they slip into adulthood, losing touch with those who once meant so much to them. But their pussies apparently still taste delicious, as they soon get into licking and sucking away. By the end of the day, it's like all the years between their last encounter have been washed away by a warm bath of vagina saliva.

Nikki Benz and Alektra Blue have huge, fake tits. As they lick and suck each others' bodies, you feel how modern media has betrayed the consumer, filling our mouths and minds with silicone and plastic and bullshit, which may look good from afar, but doesn't taste as delicious as it looks. Before you know it, Nikki's fucking Alektra with a vibrator, which hums to the tune of Bob Dylan's "Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat." Nikki claws the leather couch as Alektra fucks her with a pink vibrating penis, as we see what over-stimulation can do to a person.

Finally, Mackenzee Pierce and Barbie Addison catch up with each other, bragging about shopping at high-end stores, spending so much money on clothes they can't remember where they bought them. They then decide to "do stuff together" to bother their boyfriends. Again, we see a beautiful, artistic representation of women forced to define themselves by a materialistic lifestyle. Mackenzee wears a loud gold chain as she presses her body up against Barbie's, and as they make each other cum, you can seen the imaginary dollar signs forming in their pussy juice. They bring the fitting climax to one another, and to this amazing piece of erotic art.

It Ain't Gonna Suck Itself
[Loaded Digital]

There unfortunately isn't a lot of pussy-eating in this one, but it still reminds me of Avatar. Indeed, the producers apparently took that tried and true love tale, and turned it into a movie about sucking cocks.

But you won't find a whole lot of blue people running around in this movie, although it does open with the ridiculously sexy Kristina Rose in a pink top and g-string. This doesn't stay on for long, and as she walks in and investigates a room, she quickly takes off her clothes, approaches the camera, and says, "I want to suck that dick so bad." This is when we realize that the camera is just above Barry Scott, whose jeans Kristina whips off, so she can get his erection in her mouth right quick.

Sadly, this dude's pubes look like a Hitler mustache at the base of his dick, and if that's not enough, his dick bends hard to the left. This penis does not deserve to be in such a lovely, angelic mouth as Kristina's. This, like Avatar, hints at the inequality in this man's world we live in, where the hottest women go for douchey guys with weird cocks.

Then we meet Rachel Roxxx, with her big fake tits, and Christian - off screen below the cameraman - tells her romantically, "how about a blowjob?" She dances all silly and big-boobed like, but she must really love this guy, because she gets his penis right in her mouth. Slaps it on her boobs, licks his balls, all that good stuff. Little does Christian realize, behind the camera, Kristina Rose has snuck into his office, and is stealing his outline and coding for a new social networking site.

Christian doesn't shave his balls, though, so he gets what he deserves...which isn't all that bad, as Rachel really gets into the blowob, even occasionally using her massive boobs to assist.

From there, we meet Reena Sky, all cute and innocently laying on a pool table, clad in a bikini. She's in some kind of job interview, but they never really say what the position is, and soon Marco Banderas walks up to her, naked, and puts his cock in her mouth.

Here, we see a sensual representation of how celebrity-based reality TV destroys all that is pure and good in this world. This is a beautiful woman, clearly with an advanced degree in something, and Marco has the audacity to keep his watch on while Reena sucks him off.

I don't want to give the entire movie away, but rest assured, if you want to see some of the hottest women in adult films doing POV blowjobs, this is probably the best collection all year. Oh yeah, and the scathing indictment of a society obsessed with two-dimensional idols is hard to miss...ok, maybe I'm the only one who caught it, but that's just because most journalists are lazy, and don't pay attention to detail.

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