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Home | Columns | The Guys You'll Meet on Earth, But Not in Heaven | The Guys You'll Meet on Earth But Not in Heaven: Ponzi Perry

The Guys You'll Meet on Earth But Not in Heaven: Ponzi Perry

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As we turn the pages of the Rick Perry story the yanks and pranks start to deteriorate into even scarier behaviors.

Back in the day when books were our major source of knowledge a much quoted warning kept us vigilant regarding bad books and other bad things on the planet.

"Never judge a book by its cover."

With that in mind, generations have discovered that the difference between cover and content can be the difference between charm and deceit, between poise and ignorance and between strength and weakness. In Governor Rick Perry's case, we have 61 years of cover production that obscures the troublesome pages within.

And so, while the rather slick cover shines and conjures up images of Clark Kent, the chapters below bring to mind John Belushi's Bluto from Animal House!

1.  The Cover

A good-looking boy grows up and often overachieves in the small town of Paint Creek, Texas. He becomes a Boy Scout and rises to the rank of Eagle Scout. At the age of 8 he meets the girl next door whom he marries 16 years later. While in high school he makes the 6 man football team and on Friday nights the Paint Creek crowd cheers his touchdown runs. He later attends Texas A&M University and graduates, majoring in animal science. He then joins the military and becomes a pilot. He eventually gets into politics and becomes governor of Texas when George W. Bush resigns in 2000. And now, he's decided he'd like to become our president.

---Impressive, huh? But, wait.-------Let's open the book.

2.  The Contents

Even as a kid, Rick Perry was often described as the boy who yanked the most pigtails of the girls at school. Apparently, the yanks later became major pranks as he was named as the Texas A&M student who placed M-80 firecrackers in the student toilets to give them a scare. At Texas A&M, instead of running for touchdowns he was voted senior class social secretary and elected as one of the Yell Leaders, which is equivalent to being a male cheerleader. During his college years he likely did more cheerleading than studying, as his transcript shows a very mediocre 2.5 grade point index highlighted by an F in organic chemistry and D's in Trigonometry, Shakespeare and the Principles of Economics.  

Yes, Rick Perry's college career sounds more like "Delta House" stuff than preparation for the national stage.

However, when he did study it appears he may have had a reading list of one particular book------the Bible. Raised as a Methodist, he adopted conservative Christian beliefs which are based upon his belief in the "Inerrancy of the Bible." This means that if you don't accept Jesus as your savior---well, Rick Perry thinks you're going to Hell. And, since he didn't do very well in his science courses he now pushes creationism and dismisses evolution as "a theory with gaps." He criticizes climate science and global warming as a "contrived phony mess" made up by scientists to make money.

It appears that Mr. Perry has gotten most of his ideas from that one book while interpreting it in a most conservative manner. He is anti-abortion and passed legislation making women watch an ultrasound of the fetus before an abortion could be performed. He is anti-gay and has advocated that homosexuals should "choose abstinence." And----- it goes on. While much of Texas burned this past year, Rick Perry's solution was to call for –A Day of Prayer for Rain.

Obviously, with his grade point index he didn't get a lot of A's. However, he did get an A plus from the National Rifle Association, and he has a concealed gun permit which he uses to carry a laser sighted pistol while he jogs. He used the pistol to kill a coyote during one of his runs.

But wait------as we turn the pages of the Rick Perry story the yanks and pranks start to deteriorate into even scarier behaviors.

-----------234 Texans have been executed since he became governor, with no interventions on his part.

-----------Despite the fact that 8.2% of Texans are unemployed, he turned down a $555 million federal stimulus for unemployment insurance.

----------Of the Texans who have jobs, more are paid at minimum wage or below than in the rest of the country.

---------Although 26% of Texans do not have health insurance (compared to 17% nationally), Perry states that medicare and social security are unconstitutional Ponzi Schemes that we need to get rid of.

And, what are his solutions for our many problems? He has proclaimed  that "I want to make the federal government inconsequential in our lives." And yet, he has never held a job outside of government! So, yes-----the houses he's bought, the trips he's taken and the health insurance he has used were all paid for by us. Apart from governmental gifts, the LA Times reported that Perry has received 37 million dollars from 150 donors who were sometimes reimbursed with tax breaks, government contracts or government appointments.

The last chapters of this sad story tell us that ------Rick Perry Just Doesn't Get It!!! On one day he talks about Texas seceding from the nation, and the next day he wants to be president of that nation. During a recent debate he was accused of taking $5,000 from a drug company to force Texas girls to get HPV vaccinations. His response was------

"If you're saying that I can be bought for $5,000, I am offended!"

Meaning what exactly? 

Give him a million and he won't be offended?

Rick Perry doesn't like Ponzi Schemes because they are based on fraud. 

But, Rick Perry on closer inspection feels a little bit like a better looking Bernie Madoff--------no?

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