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Notes From A Polite New Yorker: Legalize Prostitution Already

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Want to find the nearest hooker that's certified disease-free and fits your budget? There will be an app for that.

A German language professor from the University of Georgia was arrested in the Atlanta area last week for prostitution and running a prostitution ring. He was not accused of robbing or cheating anyone, threatening anyone or withholding cash from his working girls. 

In fact, his harem of working girls may not extend farther than himself. He was arrested dressed as a woman after arranging a meeting and exchange of "services" with an undercover cop.

It's a sad sight to see a tenured professor from one's alma mater caught selling their own wrinkled, transvestite ass for cash. But what's sadder is that we as a society have not come to our senses enough to legalize prostitution already. 

Like laws outlawing the use of drugs, laws against prostitution are not only an infringement on personal liberty, but are a bizarre relic of puritanical times that stands against human nature and individual freedom. 

The places in the western world were prostitution are legal—Nevada and Amsterdam—manage it quite well, and are fully functioning municipalities within democratic societies that have not collapsed into anarchy. 

So why is prostitution still illegal in most of the U.S.? Isn't this the land of the free? Aren't we supposed to be champions of capitalism? How are contemporary sexual mores improved by prostitution being illegal? 

It's your pussy to sell, ladies. There's no such thing as a free lunch, especially if you like eating pussy. It's common wisdom that everyone pays for it one way or another. Why not just pay for it outright? Wouldn't that make for more honest relationships between men and women? What's the difference between plunking down beaucoup dollars on drinks, dinner and other things we spend money on when we're trying to get laid, and simply paying a prostitute for the same services but none of the bullshit? 

I know that many people who call for the legalization of prostitution have an idealized view of the industry. The sassy hooker with the heart of gold is a myth, and most prostitutes are not go-getting entrepreneurs boldly taking a stand against society's conventions, but rather desperate people usually exploited by men for their earnings, often living in fear of violence or deportation or are addicted to drugs. 

Legalizing prostitution, like legalizing drugs, will allow society to purge the criminal element. The worst gangsters in the country used to sell alcohol; and alcohol kills more people every year than all the illegal drugs combined, but no one in their right mind calls for it to be banned. And grocery store owners are not gunning each other down for the right to sell you beer. 

When alcohol was outlawed, people still found ways to drink and criminals became rich. So it is today with drugs and prostitution. Gambling is becoming legal in more and more places as states and municipalities seize on the opportunity to improve their local economy and grab tax revenues that would otherwise go to other states. Why should a law-abiding American have to travel to Nevada to get a legal, paid-for lay? Let brothels thrive next to marijuana cafes. Every city can have its own red light district and regulate prostitution according to its own needs. Want to find the nearest hooker that's certified disease-free and fits your budget? There will be an app for that. 

Every city already has a thriving sex trade, and state and local governments could probably fill the holes in their budgets by taxing the holes getting filled by johns every day. We as a people could literally screw our way back to fiscal solvency.  

Male prostitution would be legal also, of course. I'm sure there are lots of straight guys who dream of being some kind of high class gigolo for rich hot supermodels, but like it is today, legal male prostitutes would be mostly patronized by men. Women just don't need to pay for it and can get sex from men just about whenever they want and spend zero dollars. Even the infamous penis cutter Lorena Bobbitt found a man to have sex with her for free. 

Like the legalization of marijuana, prostitution will become legal in our lifetime, and there is no shortage of real crimes for police to investigate. Let's do right by our communities, countries and cocks and get the balls rolling on legalizing prostitution. 

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