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The Guys You'll Meet on Earth But Not in Heaven: Mitt Romney - 50 Shades of Stupid

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The more we learn about this man, the more we shake our heads and wonder why he wasn't rejected and discarded by former suitors.

Millions of readers have been impressed by Christian Grey, the handsome and wealthy guy who, in the novel 50 Shades of Grey, employs at least 50 methods to seduce a beautiful woman. In the American Presidential election of 2012, another handsome and wealthy guy has been employing different methods to seduce the voters.

Unfortunately, for him and the country, no one is approaching orgasm listening to his comments and learning about his history. The more we learn about this man, the more we shake our heads and wonder why he wasn't rejected and discarded by former suitors.               

Let's start with Seamus, the previous Romney family pooch. Seamus became famous after PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) complained that crating a dog to the top of a Chevrolet for hours on the highway was disgusting. Mitt deferred, exclaiming that Seamus loved fresh air, although he did have to hose down the car and the dog after diarrhea spilled over the windshield while going down the interstate.

Then there's the whole issue of how one should act when they are one of the mega rich. I don't remember President Kennedy ever saying somethin' stupid about his family's wealth. 

Give a listen to how Mitt has handled it.

"I'm not concerned about the very poor."  

"My wife, Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs."  

"I am also unemployed [net worth of over $200 million]."  

"Corporations are people, my friend."  

"I get speakers fees from time to time, but not very much [$374,000 in 2010]." 

Oh, and I think we should include this one under his money quotes as well---"I like being able to fire people."

Now, when people like Mitt aspire to seduce a nation they tend to try and describe their hopes and plans in a lyrical, poetic manner. But, of course, one needs to do this intelligently. No one who heard JFK will ever forget "ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." However, I don't think anybody will remember Mitt for these quotes-----"I love Michigan, the trees are the right height," "I'm not familiar precisely with what I said but I'll stand by what I said, whatever it was," "We have a President who is a nice guy but he spent too much time at Harvard," and of course, "I saw my father march with Martin Luther King" (this never happened)!

All of these unfortunate quips don't appear to be just products of poor poetry. Something much more important appears to be missing----no?

Recently, the malevolent and terrorizing behavior of bullying in schools has been exposed by our omnipresent media, and some of the guilty have been punished with necessary protections instituted to protect students in the future. Back when Mitt was in high school, much bullying went on behind closed doors. According to recent news stories, John Lauber was a fellow student of Mitt's, who had long hair and was presumed to be gay by some. Apparently, another peer of Mitt quoted Mitt as saying "that's wrong, he can't look like that." Mitt's peers described that Mitt later clipped Mr. Lauber's locks off with scissors, causing embarrassment and more for those involved. Mitt's present day response to all of this was----"I did some dumb things, I apologize."

These stories could go on for many pages but the theme would be the same. As a very intelligent man once wrote----"Those who do not read history are doomed to repeat it." Well, in Mitt Romney we already have 50 Shades of Stupid-----Let's hope the American electorate has seen enough.

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