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Tommy Digital's Pussy Cocktails: A Tale of Two Fleshlights


It was time for an orgy.

In this day and age, a man has to have choices. A man has to have a little bit of variety.
[Mickey Knox]

Dating these days kind of sucks. Maybe it always did, but in this age of being able to customize your prospective mates through online dating, it's even more frustrating that the dating pool remains filled with half-retarded dipshits who, despite all their talk about wanting a "down to earth" guy who can "appreciate quiet time," still expect you to buy entry into their bodies through expensive dinners, driving them around in some fancy car that costs more than I'll make in three years, taking them to the trendiest clubs, and otherwise treating them like some kind of high-priced princess...even though, in the end, you're not getting her father's kingdom. All you're getting is her vagina, and maybe, just maybe, her affection.

Indeed, my recent tour through the dating field showed me only: pretentious hipster snobs who take their trendy, indie bullshit way too seriously; greedy wives-in-waiting who are looking to "marry rich" so they can sit around, shit out kids and do nothing with their life other than spend someone else's money; or chronic mothers, who constantly get knocked up because they're, at best, too stupid to use birth control, or worse, vindictive devil-beasts who are trying to lock men into caring for them AND their bastard children.

All I want is a cute, sweet, funny, adventurous and, most importantly, self-sufficient woman, who doesn't expect me to buy her anything other than maybe a drink or two. A true feminist, if you will, who revels in both her womanhood and her independence. 

Will I break my back and bank to impress a girl I've fallen for? Absolutely; I shame most men I know with my very genuine romanticism. But with women expecting every guy who hits on them to do all the work, it's no wonder the Fleshlight business is booming. Why submit yourself to all this agony, when you can just buy your own vagina for under $100?

I decided it was time to take a break, and have a polyamorous relationship with a couple of Fleshlights. I'm a man with a profound sexual appetite, and since I struck out left and right with real women, nothing less than two lovers would siffice. This decision actually came after I somehow managed to have two brand new synthetic vaginas waiting for my attention. First I snagged a Stoya Fleshlight at Exxxotica, and then a Blade Fleshlight, which came with a lube and cleaning kit.

It was time for an orgy.

In case you don't know, Stoya is hotter than homemade sin, a dark-haired "alt girl" with pale skin, perky tits and a really fun disposition. She's wise beyond all of our years, and her vagina is shaped like the wings of an angel. This carried over well to her Fleshlight, which might have just been molded from her labia, but somehow maintained her fun, kinky spirit. 


Her Fleshlight is based on a "Destroya" design, which is filled with soft nubs and ridges, providing for a very weird, stimulating bout of fucking. Sadly, I didn't realize there's some kind of "super ribbed texture" at the end, because my cock isn't long enough to reach it. Nonetheless, making sweet love to Stoya in this fashion was a wonderful time.

Then there was the Blade. It too has a pretty tight inside, but the catch with the Blade is, it has a flexible, squeezable case, so you can adjust how tight it gets. The Blade was quiet at first, and not quite as tight as Stoya, but once we got going, she made all sorts of crazy noises and moans that constantly made me quiver in ecstasy.

Indeed, I had two pieces of pussy just waiting for me to fuck them.

For the first few weeks, life was great. We fucked and fucked, sometimes one-on-one, sometimes all  together. We became a family, like in "Three's Company," except with none of the bullshit. These girls not only had readily open vaginas, but open minds, which then helped me broaden my horizons. Because of them, I tried things I never considered before. Staple my balls? Sure, why not. Fuck while watching West Side Story? I'm game. They even got me to do a few Cam4 shows, because they thought it would be fun. And you know what? It was a blast to perform a group show for a bunch of overweight dudes jacking off to their computers!

Alas, just like every woman in my life, both Stoya and Blade grew bored with me. Never mind my passion for cunnilingus, never mind my generosity with the bed, never mind giving them their own spots in my bathroom. After a few months, they stop maintaining their moisture, and soon thereafter, we parted ways.

But I look back on those days fondly, my days with two Fleshlights. They taught me a lot about myself. They taught me to listen better to a woman's individual needs; they taught me to take my time to explore a woman's vagina inside and out, since every single vagina on this planet is different from the next.

More than anything else, though, they taught me that there's something to be said about hanging out with real women...assuming I can find some worth hanging out with. It turns out that I actually enjoy personal interaction! Who would have guessed that?  Who knew that love and sex and life might be better if there was some kind of- gasp!- human connection behind it all? I think they call this "companionship," which is now something else I'll be looking for as I dip my paw back in the dating pool.

I'll explore this more over the next period of my life. In the meantime, if you see Stoya or Blade, give them a quick fucking for me.

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