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Pulling At The Fringes: Men and Sex, Part I


Our instinctual drive for passionate release is so strong, it's why men will do whatever it takes to maintain a connection with the opposite sex

Someone asked me a question recently that gave me pause, and I tried to answer it honestly. Why are men so hung up on sex, she asked. And I assume she meant beyond the inherent evolutionary aspects. After all, having a species that kinda sorta sometimes wants to reproduce isn't real good for its continued existence.

But as to why we appear so obsessed with sex, from the distinctly male experience, I think it's because it is the one total and complete release for us. It is the one time we can absolutely let go. So much of our existence entails walking around in this button-down, clear cut, logical way. We are trained to be creatures of linear thought. Red, yellow, green. Stop, yield, go. Three, nine, eighty-one. Must survive, must provide, must achieve set goals.

We must be under control and vigilant throughout the day. And let me tell you, sometimes it runs counter to our animalistic instincts. It is like walking around with a caged beast inside. And sex gives us the opportunity to finally put the ever-working mind on the shelf and leave it all behind. It is the one true connection between the sky, the spirit and the ground beneath us. For this one hour a day (or more or less, depending) we get to return to the wild, just as we've run for thousands of years.

We can't do this in most areas of our daily lives. Playing bumper cars on the freeway never ends well. Directly aiming the football at people's heads usually stops the game. Urinating in the boss' office will get us fired. Beating the tar out of each other lands us in jail. So we must subjugate those impulses, button the suit, put on the hard hat, keep within the lines.

But our instinctual drive for passionate release is so strong, it's why men will do whatever it takes to maintain a connection with the opposite sex, who often seem like a totally different species to us. We will put up with emotional outbursts, irrational behavior, illogical decisions. We will endure Sex & The City, shopping sprees, pink polo shirts, Josh Groban, and women gabbing endlessly about the relationship problems of people we don't even know – despite the fact that all of these things confound our masculine instincts.

And in the meantime – since it is hard to find a partner who will spend 24/7 having sex with us and since nature put that refractory period in there – we create things like art and sports and politics and machines and business to keep us occupied. Although, to be completely honest, most of those pursuits end up simply being forms of trying to woo the opposite sex by displaying our ability to excel in whichever category. The simple truth is that we'd rather be having sex. And the fact that we're not usually leads us to put that angst into something else.

Conversation, holding hands on the beach, sitting on opposite ends of the couch reading books...all great and fine as precursors to or time-fillers between having sex. But on their own, they are rather unstimulating. There is often nothing more boring than two people of the opposite sex trying to converse. Frankly, there is not much you are going to enlighten me to or inform me of about this world or the state of my being. In all my years I have met maybe twenty females who had anything of substance to say. And I don't mean that to be misogynistic or to say that women are inherently unintelligent. It just is the way of the world. The feminist movement of the '60s was a great thing, but it petered out and women have never entered the intellectual or political or philosophic spheres in any meaningful way, in any meaningful number.

If it wasn't for libido, I would have little to no interest in women whatsoever. If I want people to hang out with, go snowboarding with, have intellectual conversations with, I will spend time with the guys. There's no bullshit between us. I don't have to filter what I say. I don't have to act under pretense because I'm not trying to get anything from them.

Now, am I oversimplifying and using stereotypes here? Of course. And some of this may sound cold or cynical but this was the honest response I came up with after a few minutes of reflection. So there you have it. Now, as to why men are so enraptured by physical beauty...I guess that'll have to be part two.

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